During lunch with Amy this issue came to my mind and since I'm trying to keep everyone on track with my 'frame of mind' here are my thoughts. Those of you who have known me long know that I have always lived my life in "half full" mode. I'm generally optimistic and expect the best rather than the worse to happen (often even in face of plenty of evidence to the contrary). I hadn't thought about it much lately until it came up with Amy, and the truth is I now am in "half empty" mode. But don't get me wrong, that's a good thing, and here's why:
Since my second diagnosis I've done a lot of research on melanoma, some of which I have passed on here. Much of it involves the question: "How much time do I have?" It's a natural question when you get to this point. When my second tumor was removed and I was re-staged a IIIc, I asked the doc the question and he pulled out (I'm not kidding here) his "Life Expectancy Calculator" and I had a 25% chance of surviving 5 years. That was just a bit over 3 years ago. When the melanoma got into my parotid gland (salivary gland) I looked up the research and the only study I found was a review of 13 patients and 6 of them died within 11 months. Not particularly encouraging, but its been 18 months for me so far. Good. When it got into my spine I found two studies involving about 300 patients and median survival is 3 - 4 months. It's been 6 so far and still counting. And, as previously stated, the chance of the IL-2 providing a sustained remission is only 5%, with another 15% chance of temporary slowing/shrinkage.
So why is being in "half empty" mode good, you ask? Because I don't try to kid myself by wearing rose colored glasses. And when I beat the odds I say to myself "Damn, I'm still kicking...guess I'm on the plus side of the curve this time" If things work according to the odds I'm mentally prepared for it. If I do better, and I have, then I'm surprised and happy. I try to make the most out of every day, every contact with friends and family, every meal. Don't put off until tomorrow etc....
I don't know if I've explained myself well here, but there you go, I just felt like I needed to say it. Take care.
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A counselor told me when Brian was battling melanoma that it is ok to wear rose colored glasses, as long as you know you have them on. You can function and enjoy life, but you are not blind to the seriousness of your disease. As for the stats, great to hear you are beating the odds and screw the stats!
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